Doin' It All

One of the things that struck me most about making the decision to return to work vs. staying at home was that there were so few options.  I could either a) return to work full-time or b) stay at home full-time.  There were no other options.  How is it that women have been in the workplace for decades now and typically we still have only two options in this regard?

A girlfriend of mine works for a company that offered her a part-time position upon returning from maternity leave.  She works Monday – Thursday from 8am – 1pm.  Therefore, she has every afternoon & all day on Friday to play with her daughter. This seems like the best of both worlds & I’ve heard her describe it as such.  But she is the only mom-friend I have who is working part-time.  Everyone else had a tough decision to make.

When I was making my choice I spoke with my company about what part-time options might be available.  Of course they would have to create a position for me because no one else in my company was doing this.  What they offered amounted to part-time hours with part-time pay but full-time responsibilities.  I would of course have a blackberry, have to attend sales conferences across country, have to work from the downtown office & be expected to perform at the same level as my full-time coworkers.  I started to imagine that if I chose that path I would be a full-time mom, part-time employee and feel like I was pulled in two directions; not accomplishing what I’d like in either area.

I chose to stay home & I’m generally happy with the decision.  When I head downtown & see women in their “dressed-up” business attire with the latest fashions I do get a pang of jealousy.  I remember working in an office surrounded by fun people, grabbing fro-yo with a coworker & even happy hour after a long day at meetings.  In those moments of memories, I forget the corporate bureaucracy, the “re-orgs”, cubicle nation & my limited vacation days.  Of course, if I truly wanted to get back there I could.  But I choose not to.  I don’t want to leave my daughter with someone else, not because of any effect it might have on her, but because I enjoy spending time with her, I enjoy our routine and my household “job” & I enjoy my easy life too much to alter it at this point.

I do believe though that one option is not inherently better than another; there is no definitive “best” for the child.  I know many would disagree with this opinion.  But I think whatever is best for the family, is best for the child.  I never expected to be a happy stay-at-home mom.  I thought I would go crazy and eagerly return to work.  I thought we’d get a nanny or send our daughter to daycare, like my mom did for me, and all would be copacetic.  If I had been miserable at home & longing to return to Corporate America I don’t see how staying-at-home would automatically be “best” for our child.

Since women are forced to choose 1 out of 2 options, it’s almost as if they separate in to camps.  Are you a “Stay-at-home Mom” or a “Working Mom”?   Once you answer that question, a divide is created.

And we can, at times, be so critical of each others decisions on how they raise their children, especially with this hot-button issue.  It’s almost as if another mom choosing to return to work when you chose to stay-at-home is a judgment against your decision or vice versa.

In my ideal world, we’d all recognize that what works for us, might not work for everyone.  Rather than foster a division, we’d support one another, seek connection & know that a loved baby is always the best, whether mom works outside the home or inside the home.